Have i lost my mum forever,its a long one?

it was september 2002 and me and my family just moved to brighton ,from nz,my brother quickly got a girlfriend and she moved in with us within a wk shed gone a bit nuts and thought she was all sorts of things even the masire freeky this went on for a wk or two my mum was at home all day and me and my brothers were out working,it wasnt until one night when i had a conversation with her i realised she was cracking up andway she moved out but it left a real scar on my mum as shes was quite spiritual and the things my sister in law would say were satanic,my brother unfortunally stayeed with her long distance ,she moved to yorkshire,my brother moved out after a year but mum was getting worse shed cry all the time,and sometimes when i woke in the night shed be there watching me she was breaking and no one could seem to reure her we wre all there for her,in 2003 i met a guy i was 17 my mum hated him immidantly ,but studidly i stayed with him,then 3 wks lter my mum,the one person who could never ever be seperated from her kids left ,she said im going on holiday for a few months its 2009 now ive seen her once seince she left to live in asia,i miss her,shes missed out on so much my beautiful children being born shes never seen them,my wedding such important moments i want to let her go not to know her how she doesant want to know me,ive offered countless amounts of times airfare over to the uk and its always been accepted then she wont contact me for 6 months sometimes i feel like it would be better if she were dead instead of constantly making promises ,its eating me up